Monday, January 16, 2012

The Complete list of Help Desk Haikus

Here is the complete list of Help Desk Haikus I submitted for the Serena Software contest. Here's the original site for the contest:

These are not in alphabetical or chronlogical order of when I tweeted them but I wanted to share because most are based on true experiences I have had over the years. The format of these haikus is the first line is 5 syllables, the middle line is 7, and the last line is 5. Obviously, some are better than others, some work and some fall flat, and some even violate the syllable rule...but that is the point of making things better all the time. I made plenty of bad haikus but learned from them. Again, the whole point for me was to win the haiku contest through kaizen thinking and improving the poem generation process which I accomplished and in turn won an Ipad 2. I hope you enjoy them.

The grand prize winner:

Help Desk Horror Flick:
Rogue tech kills main router in:
"Silence of the LANS"

Other entries:

It’s Help Desk Hustle
callers “bump and grind” us We’re
Dancing with the Scars!

Help Desk Queue is full
tickets backing up…We need
support laxative

Call:”How do you type
a capital one?” Mission:
It’s impossible.

Little Help Desk Annie
”Tomorrow, tomorrow, We’ll
help ya, tomorrow!

"I’m typing my pass-
word but can’t see it." "What
do you see?" "Five stars"

Help Desk reality
Unapproved sys change again?
Annie, get your gun!

“Yes, the PC off
button. No, not Cisco box.
Not that one. Sir? SIR!”

The Users smiling
satisfaction is rising

User calling
Agent bawling;queue sprawling
Service appalling

Holy war: Firewall at
St. Ann’s drops St. John's machines
Help Desk under fire.

The wireless printer
is down" Agent: "What is wrong?" Need
wireless toner."

Sci-Fi show: Alien
ware virus attack!Battle

Reboot it again!
Nothing but Windows because
of Linux cynics.

Physician: “Help Desk
can’t help?” Doctor Jekyll
turns to Mister Hyde!

Help Desk predictors
they fix broke stuff before called
tech just got a kiss!

“PC is making
funny noise and flashing” Sounds
like midlife cri-sys.

When do you get all
nice doctor and lawyer calls?
On April Fools Day!

User:”My smart phone fell
in the toilet” Agent: “And
you expect me to…?

“I am sorry, we
are sorry” all day! Help Desk

Monty Python desk,
The nurses fight us in the
“Argument clinic”

Help desk book of work
rhymes: You scream, I scream, we all
scream when it blue screens!

Want stability?
Help Desk Agility? Go
Serena-ty now!

Endless ringing line
Fax machine with wrong number
Praying it will stop

Dumb Email user
“Nora Ply” is no reply
“Auto” not a car!

Nervous new agent
Trips up words-"do you have sex?"
“Every chance I get!”

On remote control
I move mouse and user freaks
Calls a priest for help

A bad mouse problem
Dead rodent inside PC
My job-pest control

All my haikus true
Based on my experience
Can’t make this stuff up

Lawyer on the phone
Can’t change password every time
Last in law school class

Finance person calls
Can’t find capital ‘1’ key
Bottom line we’re hosed

Machine zapping us
Send someone to fix it now
User cattle prod

What OS is it?
Seven, Vista ,or XP?
Dang! It’s 95?

Call Help Desk agent
Kids crying in the background
Think I heard a flush

Feels like Star Wars Desk
“not the ‘droid you’re looking for”
Get an iphone Luke!

Doc screams “saving lives!”
“Need my password changed right now!”
Calls from funeral home

Programming mistake
Cuts ticket closing down to
“Thank you for your ass.”

Agent amnesia
Asks for number several times
“What is it again?”

Gollum on the line
Old Tolkien ring network hung
“Lost my precious” file

Convent Help Desk call
Nun spills drink onto PC
Water into whine.

Conflicker Help Desk
Worm Flicks, Worm conns, Worm conflict
Bad conflicted worm!

User frustration!
Conversation, detection :)
Resolution! Done.

Kid at Help Desk bash
Powers off the server room
Party now a wake

Starbucks strikes again/
Laptop takes coffee bath needs/

Press1 for Help Desk,
Press 1, press 2, press 1 now,
Depressed pressing

Calling Doctor Jones
Agent saves pix file from purge
Raiders of lost art

Annoyed lawyer
Blames Help Desk for late file
Now it is my fault

Legal database
Makes mad laywer ride my case
Purge that darn FLAW base!

Jaws on help desk line
Talks so much my rear is sore
Need a bigger butt

“Help me recall note!”
Exec pay info to all
Whoops! There is it! Doh!

Elmer Fudd on phone
Weally need more PC Wam
Trying not to laugh!

Lisper on the line
O Thufferin Thuccotash!
Tweety next in queue

Psych unit calling
“Printer ‘dummy’ error here”
Need a smart phone now!

The lab is calling
Specimen test down-O poop!

System engineer
“Help Desk has no clue!” then he
Reboots wrong server.

Lawyer plays Help Desk
to peer. “YOU’RE DUMB!” Peer: “They knew
That when I started.” ;)

Drug dispenser call,
“Problems with my purple drawers…”
Oh no -TMI!

One ring to find them,
Auto answer binds them, your calls
no one minds them.

Users ballistic
Agents antagonistic
Bad day statistic!

It is Hell desk day
Abandon all hope ye who
enter call queue here

Dual Docs yelling! Team:
“We took two ‘pills’ but don’t call
us in the morning!”

Help Desk was so swell
till the data circuit fell
call queue went to…pot. ;)

Darth Vader call here
Breathes so loud-hurts my ear
halitosis fear

Help Desk: Star Trek Fan
hogs bandwidth on clinic lan
”No Hulu Sulu!”

“Why change my password?
Why reboot? Why now? Why me?”
Users are WHY-red!

Backhoe on Road One
Gave Help Desk Queue lots of fun
fiber cut-dig it?

Mary just got a
little spam-replied to all
What was she thinking?

Report Writer call
”My job dropped the server?”
One shot, all killed!

Doctor Folgers call
”Laptop had a fall.” Wasn’t
good to the last drop

“Bad printer! Every
page is blank!” “Change the toner?”
Silence on the line.

“PC is dog slow!”
snaps user. Help Desk wearing
Milkbone underwear.

1 comment:

Prizm said...

You make blogging look like a walk in the park! I've been trying to blog daily but I just cant find writing material.. you're an inspiration to me and i'm sure many others!Online Help Desk